


I Would Be So Pleased

by SerMisty



Series: PolyPearls [24]
Category: Steven Universe (Cartoon)
Genre: Blue Pearl is mute, F/F, Multi, White Pearl Theory, just an heartfelt discussion about feelings, so many headcanons, takes place after mr.greg, tbh this was good in my head and came out horribly
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-07-31
Updated: 2016-07-31
Packaged: 2018-07-28 12:47:32
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,766
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7640809
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/SerMisty/pseuds/SerMisty
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p><i>It's over, isn't it, why can't I move on?</i> </p>
<p>After her trip to Empire City, Pearl, Yellow and Blue talk about Rose.</p>
            </blockquote>





	I Would Be So Pleased

**Author's Note:**

> Alright, so, this was really good in my head, but what you'll read is not even half as good. And I'm sorry for this.  
> There are a lot of headcanons here - we could say I explained a lot of how I imagine the contrasts between pearlrose and polypearls.  
> Oh, and about the song, well, it's this one (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=L0kL9hV01PU) sang by Deedee Magno Hall and idk, it feels real polypearls, and I thought it fitted. So yeah. Honestly this should have been very emotional but I'm not sure it is. Sorry again. I hope you enjoy anyway!

__

_I would be so pleased_  
_to try and love again,_  
_I would be so pleased_  
_to love you now and then._

  


It should have stayed a secret, but nothing stays a secret for long with so many people around. 

Plus, as every good liar or criminal, Pearl acts like she wants to be discovered. Sighing at every red flower she walks by, making sure to be seen when she talks with Greg and laughs, staring at Rose’s portrait longer than usual. It’s not really a surprise when Yellow and Blue come near, few days after her short trip to Empire City, and stand next to her in front of the painting. 

«You know, it’s funny. Your song works all the same if we sing it to Rose Quartz». 

Pearl sighs deeply before turning to Yellow – it’s a sigh of release, because as much as she fears this confrontation, waiting for it to happen is just making it worse. 

«Steven told you?»  
«He’s just too proud that he made you and the human be friends». 

Blue chuckles at this, links arms with Pearl and rests her head on her shoulder. This simple gesture makes Pearl smile, and slightly reassures her.  
Yellow rolls her eyes, but her hands are behind her back and Pearl knows that she’s nervous. 

«So» Yellow starts, «you wanna talk about it? And don’t worry, Blue made me promise I would try not to get angry». 

Blue blows her a kiss and nods. Pearl smiles again, but it’s weak and hesitant. 

«I don’t know» she tries, one last attempt to back up that she’s not even sure she wants to take, «talk about what?»  
«Maybe about how you’re looking at this painting like you’re waiting for it to talk to you». 

Pearl raises her eyes. Rose’s portraits smiles back at her, and Pearl realizes that Yellow is right. She couldn’t give a better description of her look.  
A little, melancholic, resigned laugh escapes her lips. 

«I don’t even know what she would say» she murmurs.  
«She can say whatever you want» Yellow snorts. «It’s a painting. It won’t talk». 

Blue tilts her head slightly, nodding in the direction of the picture, and placing one hand on Pearl’s chest. Pearl remembers by heart all the meanings of Blue’s personal gestures, and so she bites her lip and lowers her head, hesitating to answer.  
Yellow scoffs. 

«What a stupid question» she rolls her eyes, crossing her arms, her voice dangerously provocative. «White is _obviously_ asking her if it’s okay to kiss us or if she should just cry on her grave all the time». 

Pearl’s body tenses and she’s about to turn to her and snap, but she still has to open her mouth when Blue leans forward, her bangs falling aside at the quick movement and revealing an icy stare pointing directly at Yellow. 

«Alright, alright» Yellow raises her hands, her face revealing her guilt. «No getting mad. Alright».  
«And you’re wrong» Pearl intervenes, harder than she would like to sound. «That’s not what I’m asking her. I would never ask her that».  
«Then what?» Yellow scoffs again.  
«I – I don’t know. I guess I just want to hear her voice». 

Yellow rolls her eyes but doesn’t reply. When she looks, Blue is still staring at her with a warning glare, and she sighs, resigned. 

«Listen, we’re only here to talk because we want to help you» she says. «If you don’t want, that’s perfectly fine to me». 

Pearl knows what it means, because she and Yellow are similar for what regards feelings. They don’t like to talk about it and would gladly go on without a word until the pressure is too much, but Blue holds her arm a little tighter and keeps her in place. Blue, on the other hand, isn’t afraid to show her emotions, and this is why both Pearl and Yellow need her so badly. 

«I don’t know if you can help» Pearl admits in a murmur and decides to be honest. «She’s gone, and I miss her, and – and you don’t understand-»  
« _Excuse me?!_ » Blue’s glare is not enough to stop Yellow’s screech this time. It’s almost a laugh, between the completely shocked and the utterly offended. «We don’t understand? We understand _too well_ , White! You left. You were gone. We missed you. We _understand_ , White». 

Pearl turns to her and blinks, sincerely surprised.  
She has never considered – maybe, maybe once, subconsciously, she doesn’t know – this point of view.  
Stars.  
She has never actually considered she did _the same_. 

«It’s different» she replies, but her throat is dry. «We’re here. I’m alive».  
«Good for you» Yellow snarls. «But when you left, we thought you were dead. We’ve thought you were dead for more than five thousand years, White! So don’t come and tell _me_ that we don’t understand, because – you know what I tell you?» 

Pearl can imagine what Yellow is going to tell her, because similar discussions have happened before: something offensive, something loud, something sharp, something that probably she doesn’t really think, something that will make her angry so that she will reply and they will end up shouting at each other.  
Blue must imagine the same, because she leaves Pearl’s side and with a sprint that surprises them both she reaches Yellow, holding her wrist with one hand and pulling her shoulder pad with the other. Her stare is ice cold again – and this time Yellow bites her lip, takes a deep breath, and actually relaxes. 

«We understand» she repeats. «Honestly, I’m sorry to tell you, but you lived exactly the same thing twice, only role reversal. It’s the same. Minus the fact that I hate Rose Quartz and you don’t hate the human, because apparently you’re better than me» she snorts at the end and Blue pokes her cheek with a finger that appears more daring than lovely, but tries to soothe her with a gentle kiss. 

Pearl blinks again, and yes, Yellow is right. It’s extremely similar, and it scares her. It also explains why she always felt this way, because after all she has always known, but it’s easier not to think. It's always easier not to think.  
There are some differences, anyway. One comes to mind immediately. 

«You can’t hate Rose» she whispers. She stares at the painting again, Rose smiles quietly.  
«And why can’t I?» Yellow snorts.  
«Because she didn’t know about you». 

It’s Blue and Yellow’s turn to act surprised. Blue’s mouth takes the form of a little _O_ , and Yellow frowns as if on Pearl’s shoulders had appeared a second head. 

«What on Homeworld do you mean?»  
«You can’t hate Rose because she didn’t know about you» Pearl repeats, calmly, slowly. «Or, well. She _did_ know who you were, but she didn’t know about _us_. I – I never told her». 

Glancing at them, Pearl sees Blue nodding slowly, as if everything is now clear to her. Yellow, instead, is shaking her head, looking absolutely shocked. 

«Why, did you just forget?» she replies in a half-snarl.  
«I didn’t forget» Pearl says, and frowns. «There was never a right time».  
«Really? There was never a right time to say, _“Oh, by the way, I kinda of have two lovers who would feel very bad if I left all of sudden for a stardamned war”_?» 

Blue pulls her sideburn this time, and Yellow yelps. She doesn’t complain, however, because Blue’s scolding stare is clearly _daring_ her to say a single word. She just mutters something about how difficult it is to keep that promise.  
Besides everything, Pearl has to stop a chuckle from escaping her throat. 

«I know. Thinking about it now, I should have» a glance at Rose’s painting again, _please say something_. «At first, I just wanted to keep you safe. Then… Between the rebellion, and the war, and the army, Rose had so much to think about – I didn’t want her to worry». 

Yellow rolls her eyes but keeps her mouth shut. Her cheeks are slowly turning orange, and Pearl wonders if she is realizing that her hate on Rose cannot base itself on nothing.  
She wonders if she will direct her hate on her, now.  
She wonders too many things. 

Blue points at Rose’s painting, at herself, at Pearl. She tilts her head and shakes it, brushing her lips with one finger.  
Pearl sighs for what seems like the hundredth time since this conversation started. 

«Never. I never told her. It never seemed right and then, after the war – it just seemed pointless». 

Yellow opens her mouth and closes it again. Her arms are crossed and she pins her nails in her skin.  
Pearl lowers her eyes.

«Truth is, I’m a hypocrite». 

Blue shakes her head and moves, linking arms with Pearl again, holding her and tilting her head, confused. Yellow makes a couple of steps forward, trying to hide how she’s looking and listening.  
Staring at Rose’s portrait suddenly hurts, so Pearl keeps her eyes on the ground. 

«No, I am» she only tries to free herself from Blue’s touch, but she’s stronger than she looks and Pearl is easily convinced, so she stays. «When Rose told me – when she explained to me that she could love more than one individual at a time, I could have told her. I could have said that I understood, that I felt it too, I could have told her about you two and I didn’t. I acted like a stubborn idiot, like I didn’t understand what it meant at all, just so that I could justify my jealousy». 

She tries to look up again, but her eyes are heavy and glued on the floor.  
Blue squeezes her arm. She’s listening.  
Yellow grumbles, but she’s listening, too. 

«This – this just couldn’t work out, with Rose. I needed all of her. She was everything I had left. After leaving Homeworld, after all of our army was corrupted, after what happened between us – her love was what kept me going. I didn’t want – maybe I didn’t want this to end like we ended». 

She stops and waits for a reaction, of any kind. There is nothing. Both Blue and Yellow keep quiet and listen.  
It’s weird, because even if she’s talking about Rose, Pearl doesn’t feel like she’s pushing them away; she feels like she’s letting them in, in a way she hasn’t in thousands and thousands of years. 

«And then Greg arrived» she continues, «and I knew it was over. I knew it from the very start – and maybe if I had just _told_ her about you, about us, maybe I wouldn’t have lived those years in such pain. But I didn’t say a word, and I tried to save what I could, and I just made a mess. And then I was alone». 

This time, Yellow’s muttering is a little louder, and Pearl goes silent. When Yellow realizes she has stopped because of her, she choughs. 

«You weren’t alone» she repeats. «We were out there, you know. You just had to try and reach us. And you never did».  
«I couldn’t» Pearl justifies. «The warps were destroyed, there was no way to-»  
«You’re the Renegade! In five thousand years, you could have found a way! If you really wanted to, you would have found a way!» 

She sounds desperate, and for a second Pearl thinks she knows why – she just needs a reason to be angry, a reason not to admit that it simply hurt, that she simply missed her.  
It was the same for her and Greg, after all. 

«You are surprisingly overestimating my abilities» Pearl replies, and she tries a weak smile. Blue squeezes her arm again, but Yellow doesn’t smile back. «There was no way. No way to go back, until-» 

She stops, words dying on her tongue. 

«Until?» Yellow grasps at her silence, and Blue is about to move and calm her again, but Pearl keeps her arms linked together and stops her.  
«Until Steven convinced me to build a spaceship» she confesses. The memory shines in her mind – there were so many stars, so many, _so many_. «It was impossible, but I really thought I could do it. I didn’t think straight anymore – I finally had this hope, I could go back to Homeworld, I could find you. But I failed. I almost got Steven killed. I tried, but I had to bail. I’m sorry I couldn’t do more». 

Pearl feels her chest tighten and then Blue hugs her, kisses her cheek. She turns to Yellow, and Pearl doesn’t see her face nor the movements of her hand, but Yellow coughs again. 

«Well I – hey, I didn’t know about this» her voice is awkward, an embarrassed defense. «But, I mean – we took five thousand years to find the strength to come here, too. So maybe I shouldn’t have judged».  
«It’s not the same» Pearl says.  
«No, it’s not. But it’s similar. We’re talking about all similar events and feelings here, so I’d say it fits well». 

Yellow walks and places herself at Pearl’s other side. She stares at Rose’s painting, deeply, frowning: she looks thoughtful, but not angry anymore. Pearl looks in the same direction, while Blue’s hand slides along her arm and holds her own. 

«I’ll never really get over her» Pearl admits in a sigh, a relieved confession.  
«Wasn’t hard to tell» Yellow replies in a snort, but her voice has no hint of defiance, and it’s a rare event. «But it’s okay. We never got over you either. I just-» 

She looks away, her arms still crossed, she bites her lip. 

«I just don’t want you to think that it’s not right to love us because of her». 

Blue squeezes her hand, and when Pearl looks, she sees that she has her eyes lowered, too.  
Pearl feels awful, but this, at least, it’s something she can fix.  
She drags Blue closer and Blue immediately hugs her, grasping a little at her shirt. Yellow is more stubborn, but in the end she lets Pearl pull her arm down and hold her hand. 

«I already told you this is not what I wonder» Pearl affirms, and she’s honest and careful to let her voice show it. «I’m – I’m only afraid that she’d hate me. Because I lied to her. I treated her like she was the only one, when she wasn’t. And I’m – I’m only afraid of that». 

Blue appears to relax in her arms, but keeps her grip tight at her shirt. Yellow glances at Pearl, then at the painting, then at the ground. 

«Well, you went away, but you still loved us» she says. «So, even if she’s gone, she probably still loves you, too. Just like you love her and we love you. Ugh» she holds her forehead with her free hand, «okay, I’m confused. But I think you get what I mean».  
«I do» and Pearl smiles. 

The three of them are drawn to look at the painting as if it was calling them – as if it has talked, finally, and maybe it has. 

«You know» Yellow smirks, and if Yellow smirks, then everything is fine, «her hair isn’t as ugly as I thought it was». 

Blue turns her head to giggle silently in the curve of Pearl’s neck. Pearl chuckles, too. 

«I’m also afraid» she confesses in the same little laugh, hoping that they don't notice the tears that shine in her eyes, «that I’ll make a mess out of this, too, and ruin everything».  
«You probably will» Yellow shrugs. «Making messes is your thing, after all. But it’s also mine. I risked to ruin this very conversation like two times».  
«Four times».  
«Whatever. But we survived a war and five thousand years of being separated, I’m pretty sure it will take more than a mess to ruin us. And after all, that's why we have Blue» she leans over to look at her, Blue raises her head from Pearl’s chest when she hears her name, cheeks a little flushed. «Even if we make a mess, she’ll always be here to put us back together».  
«That’s true» and even if two tears fall down Pearl’s cheeks, it’s nothing to worry about: those are tears that need to fall. 

Blue kisses it away from one cheek, and Yellow wipes it with one finger from the other. 

«You know» Yellow grins, «you should sing for us sometime. And maybe wear that tuxedo».  
«My pleasure. Only if you sing too, though».  
«Stars, no. Forget it». 

Rose’s painting, against the wall, smiles back at them. The smile looks more peaceful than ever, if possible.

**Author's Note:**

> "You know, her hair isn't as ugly as I thought it was" lol for the reference at my own fic. Cookie cats to who knows which one.


End file.
